You can be fairly certain that you have an eating problem if your eating behavior or attitudes about weight interrupt your life and take pleasure out of it. Typically, people with eating problems are preoccupied with their weight, shape and the food they are consuming. You may have an eating problem if your experience some of the following:
· excessive concern about weight, shape and calories
· unusual eating habits
· irregular menstruation or ceasing of menstruation
· depression or irritability
· guilt or shame about eating
· strict avoidance of certain foods, particularly those considered fattening
· feeling fat when not "overweight"
· use of laxatives, diuretics, purgatives
· excessive exercise
· vomiting to purge food
· noticeable weight loss in anorexia
· frequent weight fluctuation in bulimia
· extreme concern about appearance, both physical and behavioral
I suspect that someone I know has an eating disorder; what can I do to help?
It is troubling to recognize that someone you care about may be suffering from an eating disorder. The decision to approach the individual can be anxiety provoking since it is usually difficult to know what to say, and what to expect from the situation. When first approaching someone, it is important to understand that they might not welcome your expression of concern and may even react with anger and denial. It will, therefore, be important for you to be as well educated about eating disorders as possible. What is particularly important to know is that an eating disorder is a coping strategy that an individual uses to deal with deeper problems which are too painful or difficult to address. Here is a list of “Things you should not do if you suspect someone has an eating disorder”
· Focus on feelings and relationships, not on weight and food.
· Convey concern for her/his health while still respecting their privacy. Eating disorders are often a cry for help, and the individual will appreciate knowing that someone is concerned.
· A family should not allow their own lives and habits to be hindered by a dieting child.
· A family should set caring and reasonable but firm limits in a consistent manner. This may come up when the affected person wants to skip meals, or eat alone, or gets angry when someone eats her "special" food.
· Avoid commenting on appearance; the person is already overly focused on this. Comments on weight or appearance, even if the intent is complimentary, will only perpetuate the obsession with body-image.
· Demanding change or berating the person for his/her eating habits will not work. Avoid power struggles around eating. Eating disorders are often expressions of a need for control, a substitution for lack of control that the person feels in other areas of her/his life. Trying to trick or force someone to eat can make things worse.
· Realize that the individual needs to work at his or her own pace in getting better. By providing information and being supportive, you are enabling them to see and consider alternatives to the present situation.
· Examine your own attitudes about food, weight, body-image, and body size to ensure you do not convey any fat prejudice, or exacerbate their desire to be thin. If she/he expresses feeling fat or wanting to lose weight, instead of saying "you're not fat", suggest they explore their fears about being fat, and what they think they can achieve by being thin. Encourage reflection on the pressures in society to look a certain way, and how this negatively impacts our self-esteem. Think about the way you personally are affected by body-image pressures, and share these with the person in a supportive manner.
· Find alternatives to current ways of communication. For example, instead of saying things like "Why are you doing this to me?" or "You are ruining our family/relationship," or "You could control/stop this if you wanted to," it would be better to say, "Would you like to talk now?"; "This is difficult for both of us, so let's try to discuss it," or "I know how hard it is for you." You will need to find alternatives to yelling, punishing, etc.
· Seeing someone you love struggling with an eating disorder might make you feel very scared, angry, frustrated and helpless. However, be careful not to blame them for their struggle. Try to understand eating problems as a problematic coping strategy for dealing with painful emotions or experiences. Despite the grief the eating disorder causes her/him and those around them, it may be hard to let it go.
· Finally, it is important that you do not take on the role of a therapist. Do only what you feel capable of. It is often helpful for family members or friends to get some support for themselves. You need to take care of yourself while dealing with your friend/family member.
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