When reaching out to someone who may have an eating disorder...
DO:
1. Speak to the person privately and allow time to talk.
2. Tell the person you are very concerned about him or her. Do not be confrontational.
3. Calmly tell the person all the specific observations that have aroused your concern, for example: “I have noticed that you have been leaving the table abruptly after every meal.”
4. Allow the person time to respond. Listen carefully and do not be judgmental.
5. Keep the focus on problems (for example, withdrawing from others).
6. If the information you receive suggests an eating disorder, share with the person that:
You think she/he has a problem with eating (or body image or weight management)
You are concerned about his or her health and
well-being
You feel that the matter may need to be evaluated by someone who understands eating disorders.
7. Know about some of the resources in your school/community to which she/he can be referred.
8. Tell a qualified professional (nurse, guidance counselor, coach, teacher) immediately if the person has problems that scare you, for example, if the person is:
Bingeing and throwing up several times per day
Passing out or complaining of chest pain
Complaining of severe stomachache and/or vomiting blood
suicidal
DON’T:
1. Don’t speak to an adult without first speaking privately to the person whom you suspect of having an eating disorder (unless the situation is an emergency).
2. Don’t confront the person with a group of people, all of whom are firing concerns and accusations at the person.
3. Don’t threaten or challenge the person.
4. Don’t be judgmental: don’t tell the person that what they are doing is “sick”, “crazy”, or “stupid”.
5. Don’t give advice about weight loss or exercising or appearance.
6. Don’t diagnose.
7. Don’t get into an argument or a battle of wills. Calmly repeat your evidence, your concern and your strong belief that the person needs to have the problem evaluated. End the conversation if it is going nowhere or if either of you becomes too upset.
8. Don’t promise to keep what you have observed a secret.
9. Don’t try to keep track of what the person is eating or try to force the person to eat or not eat.
10. Don’t let the person monopolize all of your time and energy.
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